tonight, before i went to work, i checked my outfit in the mirror and realised that either my shirt had shrunk or i had put on weight. given that it's a cotton t shirt i've been tumble drying for the past year, i doubt it suddenly decided to shrink just now. my hips looked bulgey and my boobs looked disproportionately small. i suddenly felt really gross and dumpy. even my hair looked greasy.
i got really bummed about it but threw on an army shirt of owens and he rode me to work.
for dinner i had a large chips with aioli and a chocolate thickshake.
i hate this cycle of feeling bad, thinking how i should eat better food/exercise, remembering that piece of brownie i had for lunch, feeling bad, not doing anything about it, feeling bad, thinking about how wanting to be thin is a socially constructed blah blah blah i'm a bad person blah, feeling bad.
i think, i don't want to change my diet. i love food. and, i don't want to exercise. it's boring. so i'll Dress For My Size. but i have a specific aesthetic in mind. it involves simple shirts, high slim jeans, a cardigan and flats. that frenchy jane birkin thing doesn't work when i have bulges at the top of my waist band messing with the fall [/cling] of my shirt.
i'd never heard of Muffin Top until the last year or so. i was looking for a pair of jeans in newtown [i just had a huge desire to delete that newtown reference cause newtown is so.. gross.] after trying on yet another pair that were too small, the woman working asked How Were They as i handed them back to her. when i answered No Luck, she made some refence to Muffin Top and how you don't want that. and i was like, WHAT? i seriously thought she'd just made that shit up. MUFFIN TOP?
last night i bought a bunch more film. it's the awesome amazing colour peel apart film that makes negatives that i can to transfers with and is discontinued and i got 100 shots. that's SO MANY shots. my reasoning with myself was that if i bought a bulk lot, it would make the price per shot better, and i could totally on sell some of it for a profit. i really convinced myself it was an INVESTMENT.
now i'm convinced i'll sell some of the other colour film i have which is less awesome. [no negatives and, being the "professional" version, the colours don't have the same romance of polaroid.] i'm pretty amazed how much i like the b&w though. i really like b&w photographs, but i just don't see b&w myself. it hasn't really attracted me before. but these images look so authentic. i tried to think of a less pretentious word, i don't know if that one even reads how i mean it to. they're just so neat and perfect and they have their little white border and they make things that look boring look not boring.
when i think about fashion, my own fashion, i imagine very simple, practical, a sort-of classic style. pretty much the outfit i described before. but i want to add a pendant to it. a pendant on a long chain. something simple, heavy. something amazing that i will love and want to wear as my one accessory. but every time i find something, i imagine how it will interfere with a camera round my neck.
i've been reading holly's blog. i was looking at the fashion blogs she links to and one was some kid who is like, thirteen and really into fashion. i'm sure you read about this kid ages ago, cause you are much better at the internet than i am. but i was like, woah! who is this kid? [style rookie, just in case.] then i lay on the couch, lit a joint and started reading the latest grazia. [i swore off grazia, i only bought this one cause the store had run out of every other remotely readable magazine. ps. did i tell you that according to cleo, i am just the right amount of sexy?]
there is an article in it about this style rookie kid. my amazement was instantly a little deflated. what is that? grazia know so it's not cool anymore?
also, i totally stole the idea of striping my walls from the background in some social/dj booth shot on one of the other blogs holly linked to. it was fluoro green on white with heaps of graffiti. i think i'll go with that purple that looks sort of like it was fluoro until someone poured some white paint in and made it oddly pastel-ish. that is one of my favourite colours. i had a handbag in that colour that i loved. i almost bought paper that colour a couple days ago but owen said he hates that purple and i went with the safety of .
before i got to bed i want to go outside and have a cigarette, but i've been hearing some guy banging about out there. i never had a bad experience in this area, aside from that drunk woman calling me a "fuckin' cunt", but whatever. i'm stoned and paranoid.
oh! naked man across the road totally turned his light off while getting changed last night.
xxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment