i forgot this was draft-ed

you wouldn't make any sense in flowing clothes. maybe something with tulle and a full skirt, but it still wouldn't be flowing as such. still be hot fifties, not daggy nineties.

when my mum comes back to australia for christmas, she goes to 16-26 to do her annual clothing shop. it's pretty impossible for her to buy clothes in bangkok. i've been with her a few times and find it so depressing. there is a very limited style of clothing available, which is understandable, being one business. but it's the only place to go for "plus size" women in newcastle that i'm aware of. everything is flowing. designed to hide and conceal and trick. i wonder how much her transformation from combat boots, band shirts and cyclical hair colour to blonde femme has to do with her increased size and how much is a natural change in personal style.

[i even found the fabrics depressing. not just the messy floral patterns, but the unnatural fibres. i find it hard enough sticking with natural fibres being just inside the standard fashion size range.]

since i've been doing the gender studies classes, i've been feeling really overwhelmed. not by the work, since i only do as much as i want to. but by the world. by the female [because i'm self absorbed, but really mean any non white cisgender straight male] experience. i keep wanting to hit ESCAPE and go back to the real world that doesn't have all these insane inequalities that aren't even acknowledged except by people who are humorless. like us. [stupid feminists..]

i think part of why i'd like to do the courses legitimately is so that i could participate in tutorials and online discussion with classmates. i have shelagh to chat with, but i already had shelagh to chat with. i want to have more people to discuss the experience of living every day with. mine and others. i can't think of things i don't think of for myself on my own.*

[shelaghs friend suggesting the potential othering of using 'they', 'their', 'they're' etc instead of she, zie, he, etc. i have trouble explaining the point because of my lack of english skills, but 'they' being them, seperate, other, was essentially the point. ..that hadn't occurred to me. only the awkwardness of it being Incorrect.]

i need either 16 or 18 junior credit points to study any of the subjects i want to take. i don't know if i want to invest that much time and money into studying something that won't become a career [i don't think i have the inclination for a PhD, or at least not for the work/dedication involved] when i can attend the lectures for free and do the reading.